Writing Assignment #3 Day 5

My Dear Lord Jesus Christ,
You know I believe you are my Lord and Savior, but our relationship has not been close, to say the least. I am hoping to work through these issues and maybe move to the Christian Track.

The first issue, is your relationship with my Mother. I know you know her very well. She sees you daily at mass, prays countless hours and dedicates her free time to serving you.

I also know that when Jon decided to join the Lutheran Church I was happy and hopeful. BUT my Mother was not. It's the Catholic way or the highway. When I tried to reach for you in the wrong way, my Mother quoted scripture and didn't not stop until I relented. I had to pretend like I was not going to the Lutheran Church to make her happy and shut her up.

I don't want this to be my excuse anymore. I do nothing to protect myself from doing something wrong. And in my Mom's eyes she would rather have me do nothing than something wrong.

Second, is the excruciating amount of time I spent in Catholic School and going to Mass. For a child with severe ADHD and anxiety an hour of gibberish took an eternity.

Going to Catholic school was a lesson in humiliation. I believe this is where my shame and low self esteem stemmed from. I wet the bed until I was 13 years old. There were no sleep-overs for me. The couple of times I tried ended in a pool of tears and humiliation. Worse is that we wore uniforms, typically you would have 1 or 2. My often smelled like urine. I was teased relentlessly for this.

In an effort to try to mediate my sorrow my Mother would switch me from school to school. I moved schools about 7 times. This left no room for building relationships with friends because either I left the school too quickly or it was discovered that I smell like urine.

Third and Finally, There is Jon. Lord I know you know him too. He is the polar opposite of my mother. He grew up Catholic just like I did, but he despises the Catholic Church. So here too, doing nothing is better than doing the wrong something.

Lord I pray that you help me work through these issues during this precious time of rehabilitation. I need your strength to rebuild my relationship with you.

Your Child,
Shanna